Today was a bit of a rough day.
In advisory home room they passed out papers advising our parents of our upcoming PSAT which included our scores from last year.
My poor teacher has so many kids he doesn't know us all by heart so he asked me where a kid named Jack sat.
My heart dropped. I couldn't speak.
"is Jack not here today?" he responded coming to the obvious conclusion.
I didn't know how to communicate what needed to be said.
Everyone knows. How could he not know?
It rocked the class of 2014.
January 3, 2012 Jack shot himself.
It took everything I could not to scream.
I mustered up my courage and said, "Mr. Williams, Jack is dead."
I didn't know Jack. He was in my gym class in 7th grade. But we didn't talk. I regret not getting to know a boy who touched so many lives. His friends hurt still. I'm sure his family does too.
Jack left behind a legacy.
I'm sure the class of 2014 will think twice before doing anything tragic.
They will remember the grief and pain of the loss of one of our own.
He was one of my mom's students, she found out a day earlier than the student body.
She told me that day as well.
I guess it's because I'm a sensitive person, but the news deeply disturbed me. I cried myself to sleep for the week following his death.
Not being able to carry on with your life is a serious thing. And Jacks been on my mind a lot lately. He was a member of my class, one in 1060, but still distinctly an individual. Like us all, still struggling with identity, school, learning to drive, and relationships. All the things we're doing, starting to look at colleges, keeping grades up, driving to dinner with friends. It all seems so simple. But one of us won't be there when we graduate. He won't be going to college. He'll remain forever fifteen. Living on in the hearts and minds of us all, the people who's lives he touched.
I said us because he touched my with his death. Jack had problems, and he wasn't able to overcome them. He chose to end his life rather than face it with head held high, stronger because of his past. Jack taught me to be couragous, to take risks. He taught me that no one is here forever. I hope that someday we will heal and move on. But for now, the wound is to fresh. The hurt all to real.
Keep it classy,
~E
